Intrigue #1
We sensor ourselves to not worry about the little thing...
I found this little nugget very intriguing. I think, as adults, we tend to smooth over the minor details because we would drive ourselves completely bonkers if we nit-picked every little detail of our daily life. That being said, because we get into the habit of brushing past said details, we miss out on a lot of these tiny yet amazing wonders of life. I need to take the time to revel in the tactile feel of grass beneath my bare feet instead of focusing on getting to where I need to be. I need to really look at the graffiti to really experience the amazing works of art they really are...some of the times. I need sometimes not worry so much about the big picture and focus in on some of the small details....yet not get so wrapped up in the small details that I forget the big picture all together.
Intrigue #2
All creatives have a degree of ADD
I have been having a hard time deciding what I want to be when I grow up. I get wrapped up in a program or field only to be distracted by that shiny new program that is dangled in front of me. I really do get distracted by flashing lights and sparkle and when it comes to deciding a path to follow for the rest of my life I get overwhelmed because I want to do it all. I know it is not possible to do it all but I crave the knowledge, even if it's just a basic know how.
Another issue is that when I set time aside to work on one class or one project, there is always another class project or personal project that pops in the noggin. I then have a hard time convincing myself to work on the project that is more time sensitive. Some times it's better to just work on the nagging idea to get it out of the way, but other times that results in a really crappy result for the more pressing project.
Intrigue #3
The world does not allow for our passions
This is a very depressing concept to me but that doesn't mean it isn't true. I despise that we have to pick what we want to be when we grow up as young adults. At that time we are so inexperienced, we have yet to see the world for all it's potentials. By choosing a path in our early twenties, we become pigeon-holed. That is now our job and changing paths mid-life is extremely difficult. I know this from experience.
I am 35 years old. I studied at Butler University in the field of physics and astrophysics straight out of high school. Because life does not always go the way you expect, I ended up leaving school before I graduated and ended up working for the local government. I will never regret my time at Butler or the money I ended up wasting by not getting my degree. But at the same time, as an adult, I know I would have been miserable in that field. There is not a lot of room for creativity in the field of physics. I chose that field because I was told math and physics were my strong suit and I enjoyed it at the time. But I had no knowledge of creative fields like Graphic Design and Web Design.
Now that I'm considered an adult, it is thought that I should be what I am and nothing more. It was a hard decision to change my life and find my passion. I had a friend who asked me why I was so unhappy and I had to stop and think about what he was asking. I realized that I had no idea what my passion was. I still struggle to define my passion. I have spent so much time being the productive adult I had become that I had lost track of what truly made me me. I'm still trying to find my passion and what will ultimately make me not only a productive member of society but a happy member of society. I might should strive toward contented member of society but I'd rather aim for happy.
Intrigue #4
Don't be a slave to the rut and don't sell your soul to the corporate machine
I think this goes hand in hand with the idea of finding your passion. The corporate machine that is our society wants to pigeon-hole us. You are what you are and nothing else. But we are all more than one dimensional. We are more than two dimensional. There are so many facets to all of us that to allow society and our future professions to limit what we can do and be seems a crime. I don't want to be a cog. I want to be everything...or nothing. But I want it to be MY decision, not someone else's. I want to be able to pull from all the pieces of me when I'm working on projects. I want to be able to more than a one trick pony. Diversify. Diversify. Diversify.
Intrigue #5
I promise this is the last one....
Conversations with a new friend
I was really anxious about talking with a person we did not know for 20-30 minutes. I don't make friends very easily. I love to listen to people and to learn more about them but I am very closed off when it comes to me. I have been labeled stuck up, bitchy, rude, and conceited by people because I keep to myself. What they don't understand is that I'm terrified of interpersonal interactions. I was an outcast in grade school, and seeing as I went to very small parochial schools I was never able to overcome my sub-human social class. I carried that stigma through high school and by the time I entered college (the first go-around) I was socially stunted. I have a small group of friends but I don't even share too much with them.
That was a long drawn out assessment of me. The reason I felt it was necessary to expose myself is that I know in my mind that I will find amazing people that I have a lot in common with, like I did today. But I still have that fear of being rejected like I have been most of my life. It's that fear that mars me. It is that fear that controls my life. It is that fear that dictates my decisions in life. It is that fear that makes me push people away. It is that fear that is paralyzing and crippling. It is that fear that I would never wish on another person, EVER.
No comments:
Post a Comment